Sunday, December 19, 2010

Healing is in Your hands.

You've been out of my prayers for a while now. Welcome back.

It's funny how all this turned out. Our relationship ending in two different outcomes for both of us. You turned to anything you could to take you further and further away from the Lord. Running towards things of this world that provided instant gratification. Hurting people who loved you and truly cared. Disrespecting yourself and giving up. I talked to my Father about you all the time. Telling Him how much potential you had, and trying to convince Him that you really did love Him and know who He is, but you were just running. Running away from your Father. Your REAL father. I remember asking Him to fix you while our paths were separate, and if it was meant to be to bring you back to me, because I couldn't change you. I could have never changed you. And time passed and now I'm definitely different. Our experience made me stronger, harder. A little bitter towards young relationships in general, but more importantly more cautious. It made me think twice before jumping into things. And I now know to love with a smart heart. To give that beautiful organ away sparingly. I'm still deciding whether or not that's a good thing. We're told to love abundantly, well I'm still learning how. I can't get this "it's not worth it" attitude out of my head, and I hate that, because I know it will be. Someday. I absolutely can not wait, but I won't give in until I'm sure.

And this all comes back to me now, because I finally see the connections. Everything falls into place, and all those "why" questions I asked myself so many times are now answered. I realize that He has eyes that see past, present, and future, and mine can only see each moment individually. Each of us can only see through our own tunnels, and our horns are blaring so loudly it's hard for us to hear others speak, much less His voice. It's like we're all connected to some thread of life, and it's impossible for us to see where we'll be knotted together or looped in the same needle. But one thing is certain-we are all connected. And we can't see the connections. Only He can. Thank God only He can. I'd probably have an anxiety attack if I knew what I had comin'. Two years ago I would have tried to change what ended up happening, but then I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't think like I do, and laugh like I do, and thank like I do.

Now I can pray for you without crying, and think about you without wishing things were different, and that's what healing is all about. And I believe that He can bring about what's best for you even out of dumb decisions you make. That's why you're in my prayers tonight. Make yourself at home. You're welcome as long as you'd like.

1 comment:

  1. Mechay, this is such a beautiful letter of healing and finding peace. What an amazing transformation that you captured so beautifully with your words! I love love love this, and what a great feeling to know you've found Christ faithful in a hard situation.