I hate the fact that I am clumsy, forgetful, and careless with words. I hate the fact that I am never certain of the things the Lord is doing for my safety, or the devil is doing for my aggravation. I hate that I am so very neglectful of my time spent with the Lord, talking or just listening. I hate that the people that mean the most to me feel abandoned because of my full plate. And finally, I hate the fact that even though I know the Lord is sovereign, I still worry and panic.
These are just a few of the "problems" of being me. And I'm a problem solver, so I want to fix it all. Yesterday at the lake, I was not able to fix a single problem that occurred, leaving me very downhearted and defeated. "It's not your fault," many would say. But yes, many things could have been prevented had I not been so forgetful. However, there were some things that were out of my control, and for that I was frustrated and thankful.
There are good things to being a problem solver-like loving to untie knots, do wordsearches, come up with inventive ways to solve brainteasers-but unfortunately those things aren't always the problems. Also, having a problem-solving personality totally clashes with God's sovereignty.
I have always been taken back by people who have lived very hard lives, lived in poverty, been through long-relationship breakups, and have many more problems than I do, rejoicing and living like they have no care in the world. But I've just realized that that's the beauty of joy. That's the beauty of Christ-realizing how imperfect I am, and how much perfection He shows. Knowing that He is more concerned about the development of my character than the assurance of my comfort.
Even though I still will try my hardest to fix all these "problems" in my life, I know that I can't fix everything. Change is very good, but even we can't change our sinful nature. It was born in us, it eats at us, and it's our default. But as we impatiently wait for the day when the consequences of it will be completely gone, we can hope in the Lord. We can ask Him to change us, ask Him to fix our problems. He will.
But until then I'll still be playing with puzzles.