Free Falling

"So Christ has truly set us free.

Now make sure that you stay free,

and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law."

Galatians 5:1

I am free to ignore the world's lies of beauty. The ones that tell me that I must dress immodestly and without class to get a man's attention. The One who made the warm sunrise and the multicolored fishes of the sea calls me beautiful. It's incomprehensible to me. What could compare?

I am free to tune out the whispers of self-consciousness telling me that I'm not good enough. That I must do more, say more, be more. That in order for me to get a guy that meets all my standards, I must be the "perfect" example of a Christian. Or even more, the whispers that tell me my standards are too high, and they will never be fulfilled. We all fail, every second of every day, so perfection should not even be in our word bank to describe ourselves-or others for that matter. It's impossible. However, He is perfect, and the path He is leading me down has the perfect rainbows I need to see and the perfect obstacles I need to conquer.

I am free to not be upset when things don't work out as planned, or things don't go my way. When I have no control of a situation and fight everything in me to be patient and trust. When I try to do things myself, Christ becomes "of no value" to me, I fall away from grace, and I lose hope.

I am free of being deceived by lies, insincerity, and the unknown. We have been given a spirit of discernment (Phil. 1:9-11) to protect us from heartbreak, deception, and suspiciousness.

I am free to sing at the top of my lungs even the most horrible of noises, knowing that I was given my voice and tongue to please my Father, not mere men. Insecurities and second-guessing can be wiped away, remembering the reason for our gifts. Because Your love is better than life my lips shall praise You.

Although I have been given freedom from the things of this world, and freedom from Satan's terrible lies, so very often I still live in slavery to them.

I want to freely fall in love with Him. Lord, please push me.

I've found my joy again.

Nehemiah 8:10
Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee. Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King. Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee. Take my silver and my gold not a mite would I withhold. Take my intellect and use every power as You choose. Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for Thee. Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.Take my heart it is Thine own it shall be Thy royal throne.Take my love, my Lord I pour at Your feet its treasure store. Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee. Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee. Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Homesick

I believe I have a case of homesickness-and it's been going on for the past month.

I miss my family. I miss my mom's sweet heart of service, and my dad's warm embrace. I miss laughing with my brother and helping him with his homework. I miss my bed and the many-times-washed jersey sheets that come on it. I miss the comfort of my home friends, and the assurance that impression doesn't matter. And I miss beautiful silence.

I also miss feeling at home with the Lord. College life makes it extremely hard to spend lots of time with Him. I want to just rest in His arms for an hour, or a day-but I have 3 tests Friday. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being expected of so much, but not having enough to give. Of letting people down, time and time again. Never being fully understand, and not fully understanding anything. I just want to dwell with Jesus, every day, every moment, every second. I want to be fully surrounded by Him, but I'm stuck in a world that hates Him and never wants Him around. People who lie and deceive, boast and steal, fight Him more and more out of their life everyday.

This summer, I spent 10 weeks away from "home" and only felt homesick once. I have a small assumption as to why. I believe this summer was a taste of Heaven. Spending every waking moment serving the Lord, sharing life with brothers and sisters, and being encouraged every step of the way, made home not so far away. In fact, home followed us wherever we went. I was comfortable, able to trust, dwelling with the body of Christ, resting in the Giver of peace, and constantly being reminded of God's presence. There's something so incredible about that situation-too incredible for words.

So as I carry-on through this thing we call life, I long and yearn for that sense of home everyday. I anticipate next summer, to feel that embrace again, but moreover, I hope for the day when my real home will be eternal.

Is this normal? I think so.

“If I discover within myself a desire

which no experience in this world can satisfy,

the most probable explanation

is that I was made for another world” -C.S. Lewis

I agree, my friend, I agree.

The Rose

This is a story told by Matt Chandler about love. Not the normal, lovey-dovey, wordly definition of love, but agape love-love from the Creator of this universe, Jesus Christ. I've heard it several times, but my college minister at Montevallo shared it with us tonight in worship, and I absolutely love it, so I thought I'd share...

Matt had recently met a girl in class that had been struggling with purity. Him and some friends were trying to get to know her and serve her through the group. He found out about a band that was coming in town, and so he figured it would be wonderful fellowship. So they're sitting at the concert and the speaker gets up and begins an illustration by taking out a beautiful red rose and passing it around the arena. By the time it made its way back to the speaker, everyone had touched it, smelled it, and in turn, tarnished it in some way. The speaker picked up the rose and said, "Now who would want this rose? Who would want this dirty, broken rose that everyone has touched?" Matt said it took all he had in him not to stand up and shout, "JESUS WANTS THE ROSE! HE WANTS THE ROSE! He wants the rose..."

You can watch it here: http://vodpod.com/watch/1505644-matt-chandler-jesus-wants-the-rose

So whether you're torn, battered, bruised, crushed under a heavy weight, or you just don't feel worthy enough for the call, remember Jesus wants the rose.

It's just not worth it.

It's not worth giving pieces of my heart out, and being vulnerable to pain.
It's not worth inconsistency, uncertainty, or shame.
It's not worth being lied to, feeling inadequate, or being let down.
It's not worth getting my hopes up, leaving me hopeless in a torn gown.
It's not worth all the memories, the expectations, or regrets.
Not even worth the chasing, deceiving, or forgets.
It's not worth giving it everything I've got, just to find out later you've moved on.
As much as I want to believe I'm the exception, the truth is I'm just another fish in the pond.
Because even though the laughing, smoothies, smiles, texts, phone calls, flirting, loving, giving, hugging, pursuing, and fun are as wonderful as they seem.
It's really just not worth getting hurt to me.

Problem Solver

A group of friends and I call this past weekend the Failtacular Frenzy, basically because everything that could go wrong went wrong. I'm not even going to try to explain all that happened, because it would be useless complaining and wasted words. However, I did learn something huge about myself-I'm too much of a problem solver.

I hate the fact that I am clumsy, forgetful, and careless with words. I hate the fact that I am never certain of the things the Lord is doing for my safety, or the devil is doing for my aggravation. I hate that I am so very neglectful of my time spent with the Lord, talking or just listening. I hate that the people that mean the most to me feel abandoned because of my full plate. And finally, I hate the fact that even though I know the Lord is sovereign, I still worry and panic.

These are just a few of the "problems" of being me. And I'm a problem solver, so I want to fix it all. Yesterday at the lake, I was not able to fix a single problem that occurred, leaving me very downhearted and defeated. "It's not your fault," many would say. But yes, many things could have been prevented had I not been so forgetful. However, there were some things that were out of my control, and for that I was frustrated and thankful.

There are good things to being a problem solver-like loving to untie knots, do wordsearches, come up with inventive ways to solve brainteasers-but unfortunately those things aren't always the problems. Also, having a problem-solving personality totally clashes with God's sovereignty.

I have always been taken back by people who have lived very hard lives, lived in poverty, been through long-relationship breakups, and have many more problems than I do, rejoicing and living like they have no care in the world. But I've just realized that that's the beauty of joy. That's the beauty of Christ-realizing how imperfect I am, and how much perfection He shows. Knowing that He is more concerned about the development of my character than the assurance of my comfort.

Even though I still will try my hardest to fix all these "problems" in my life, I know that I can't fix everything. Change is very good, but even we can't change our sinful nature. It was born in us, it eats at us, and it's our default. But as we impatiently wait for the day when the consequences of it will be completely gone, we can hope in the Lord. We can ask Him to change us, ask Him to fix our problems. He will.

But until then I'll still be playing with puzzles.

I have rotten ears. Not in the literal sense, of course, but figuratively it describes my newest challenge.

Think of an apple. If an apple is not eaten and used to fulfill it's purpose (provide nutrients for the human body) it begins to rot and decay, leaving it nasty and useless. This is how I feel my "listening ears" have become. I have realized this week that I am an awful listener. Most of the time when someone is talking to me, I'm thinking about the next thing I'm going to say. How rude! Our ears are supposed to be used for listening to others and learning about others' needs, wants, experiences. If I'm so focused on me, how can I ever truly sympathize with someone, relate to someone, hear someone. Maybe it's not even me thinking about myself, but being concerned with my cellphone, the Internet, or someone else. I know if the tables were swapped and I was the one being treated like this, I would feel very inadequate and unheard.

My newest challenge is to really listen- even to the point of sharing in others' joy and pain. I'm turning my listening ears on.